Recently, Former Miss Universe and mother of two pretty girls, Sushmita Sen, in an interview having asked about sacrificing life for children the reply she gave touched my heart to the core. She said:
The good thing is that I’ve never made any “sacrifices” for my children. Because when you put sacrifice as an element, you tend to let the child feel the pressure of “I did this for you”.
Many mothers often emotionally manipulate their young and even adult children by telling them about carrying them in the womb for nine months. Well, being a mother, the women should understand that it was her choice to bring the little one into this world. Maybe it was a heartfelt wish or she succumbed to self-created and societal pressures of age, and starting a family. But the decision was entirely hers! So no way the little one asked for a ‘sacrifice’.
The new age moms at times of distress speak about ‘sacrificing’ their body figure for the child to come in this world. Trust me this is the dumbest statement I have ever heard after my exposure to the parenting world. For all those ‘lazy fatsos’, I do not wish to refer as mothers simply because they are nothing more than a selfish person who are conveniently trying to play the blame game.
My three-word advice to such moms who have already committed this crime or have this thought in their minds would be – “Stop right here”. Since you are unnecessarily putting the burden of your personal failure on to your child. If motherhood was so unforgivably accompanied by the ‘never getting down’ increased body weight then how come many national & international celebrities have managed to come back to their pre-pregnancy weight! Have a little self-control on eating habits and start doing some sort of workout and the weight issues would be managed.
The next most common ‘sacrifice’ one gets to here in this modern world is the sacrifice of career for children. Now this could be a tearing apart situation for some mothers. One precursor of this thought might be the negligence in family planning and calculating the changes that will happen in a mother’s life.
Anyways once you have become a mother courtesy your company’s maternity leave policy things could be managed for a while. But in a long-term perspective, it can hamper your work and sometimes adversely impact one’s job. Most women who do not have parents or in-laws to take care of the child take a sabbatical in their career. While few others resort to alternate solutions like keeping the child in day care or keeping a full day nanny or opting for work from home.
Those moms who take a sabbatical in their career, a good news for them is that now-a-days many organizations have come to understand the reason behind sabbatical and really don’t mind giving jobs to such reboot moms. I will still maintain that leaving or taking up a job is utterly one’s choice. The child never asked for a career sacrifice, your priorities led you to take such decisions.
‘No time for myself!’ is yet another kind of frustrating sacrifice cribbed upon by most mothers including me. Tell me honestly ladies, is this really true? Or are we just lacking in setting up a good schedule for ourselves? Can’t we find this ‘me time’ when the child is sleeping, gone out for playing or in school? Think about it.
Impact on children
Constantly telling children about your pains done for them bogs them down with the ‘sacrificial’ pressure. They start doing things not out of their choice but to please parents. This has a long-lasting impact on their personalities as they become highly dependent on their parents. Even after growing up they are not able to take decisions for their lives and our often confused.
How to stop ‘Sacrificing’ your life:
As a responsible mother stop this emotional drama. Do not look at children to secure your future or live your dreams. Rather, I would suggest to get a life of your own and let the child grow according to his ambitions without any sacrificial pressure bestowed from your end. Talking about myself, I want to be a mother who will cherish each of his growing up milestones, play with him, love him, be his powerhouse and more. At least I would definitely not want to sacrifice my life for children anymore!
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