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The Little Miracle & You

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Life Lessons

Let’s Teach Our Children to Think Beyond the Clichéd!

Recently many of us might have heard the power packed response given by Sania Mirza to a question raised on ‘Settling Down’ during an interview with a very senior journalist.  A video snippet of it:
Now this post is not about Sania Mirza or the controversy but definitely, this news piece compelled me to write about an often ignored aspect of our society and that is teaching our children to look & think beyond the clichéd! The emphasis here is on teaching children because as parents we have the responsibility of carving future of the nation. So the kind of upbringing  a child has and the mindset that the child grasps during the development days is bound to reflect in his decision-making capability & thought process.

So why prepare the child to make cliches a part of his or her life!

For instance, some of the stereotypes that are especially prevalent in Indian society and which surprisingly start from the very childhood days are getting good marks in exams, complexion & beauty issues for girls, religious orthodoxy, choosing a stable career, getting married at the right age, planning a baby and more.
I don’t say that our parents and their predecessors faltered in our upbringing but then one can learn from their own mistakes, and here the once petite child has now grown up into a parent and the onus of the future is on us.

Why do we need to look beyond ‘Marks’?

Ask yourself do you remember the marks that you received in your 8th standard in social studies? Do you really remember that? Then why so much emphasis on excelling in exams? Perhaps as parents, we should emphasize on ‘learning’ rather than the ‘grasping’ or rata-fication because learning and its practical application are the ones that truly help in future life.

Why do we need to look beyond ‘Complexion/beauty’?

If complexion and beauty of girls would have been such a dire requirement for a better life then how come celebrities like Naomi Campbell & Priyanka Chopra make their way for the position they are in. I remember even Priyanka Chopra in an interview had mentioned that most of her childhood days and pre-teens she thought herself to be rather average looking and was looked with worried eyes by relatives. She had also added that only due to the belief of her parents was she able to come over this and rest, as they say, is history!

‘Religious Orthodoxy’ – why we need to look beyond?

In my opinion, a child is born secular and child birth is the ultimate representation of national integration. Simply because at the time of child birth hardly anybody is concerned about the religion of Doctors and hospital staff attending the mother. Isn’t that so? Then why is the child literally burdened with religion & orthodoxy! Why is there a restriction to celebrate festivals of other religion, mingle with other sect people and so on? Just ask yourself do you really feel that your sect is superior to other? If yes! aahh maybe you are from the dinosaur clan!

Stable Career – why do we need to look beyond?

Today there is no dearth of opportunities in any field. You name a particular field and there are thousands of possibilities for having a great career then why pressurize our children only to focus on becoming a doctor or an engineer?
There is famous saying we all naukripesha (working) people love saying – ‘Make your hobby your work and you would love it!’
We read, see and hear about people in our social network and friend circle who are living their passion and a dream life much better than ours. They may be pursuing acting, dancing, adventure sports and more then why the heck we try and pressurize our children to choose a safe career?

Thinking beyond Marriage & Babies

Well, I don’t consider either of the above wrong. But in my opinion with the growing number of divorces and the complex lives that we live, marriage is a thing that one should first be mentally prepared for and should never be age bound.
Pressurizing a young adult for marriage can completely ruin his or her future. In TV daily soaps and movies marriage is shown as the ultimate aim of life, a ‘happy ending’ but as responsible parents, we should teach our children to live a happy, peaceful & independent life with no clauses of being single or married attached.
So is true for planning babies because pregnancy can happen in a single interaction but the duties and responsibilities that it brings along is what the growing children should realize. In our society, sex is a taboo but in teenagers, it is a matter of great curiosity only we parents can teach them to look beyond & grow up as responsible adults.
Well, let’s give our children ‘wings to fly’ and see the miracle that out little minions can do! Leaving you with this beautiful speech given by Deepika Padukone on receiving an award as a dedication to her parents!

Feature image courtesy: http://www.activekids.com/parenting-and-family/articles/stargazing-with-your-kids

Why I Don’t Want to ‘Sacrifice’ My Life for Li’l One!

Recently, Former Miss Universe and mother of two pretty girls, Sushmita Sen, in an interview having asked about sacrificing life for children the reply she gave touched my heart to the core. She said:
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The good thing is that I’ve never made any “sacrifices” for my children. Because when you put sacrifice as an element, you tend to let the child feel the pressure of “I did this for you”.
  • Many mothers often emotionally manipulate their young and even adult children by telling them about carrying them in the womb for nine months. Well, being a mother, the women should understand that it was her choice to bring the little one into this world. Maybe it was a heartfelt wish or she succumbed to self-created and societal pressures of age, and starting a family. But the decision was entirely hers! So no way the little one asked for a ‘sacrifice’.
  • The new age moms at times of distress speak about ‘sacrificing’ their body figure for the child to come in this world. Trust me this is the dumbest statement I have ever heard after my exposure to the parenting world. For all those ‘lazy fatsos’, I do not wish to refer as mothers simply because they are nothing more than a selfish person who are conveniently trying to play the blame game.
    My three-word advice to such moms who have already committed this crime or have this thought in their minds would be – “Stop right here”. Since you are unnecessarily putting the burden of your personal failure on to your child. If motherhood was so unforgivably accompanied by the ‘never getting down’ increased body weight then how come many national & international celebrities have managed to come back to their pre-pregnancy weight! Have a little self-control on eating habits and start doing some sort of workout and the weight issues would be managed.
  • The next most common ‘sacrifice’ one gets to here in this modern world is the sacrifice of career for children. Now this could be a tearing apart situation for some mothers. One precursor of this thought might be the negligence in family planning and calculating the changes that will happen in a mother’s life.
    Anyways once you  have become a mother courtesy your company’s maternity leave policy things could be managed for a while. But in a long-term perspective, it can hamper your work and sometimes adversely impact one’s job. Most women who do not have parents or in-laws to take care of the child take a sabbatical in their career. While few others resort to alternate solutions like keeping the child in day care or keeping a full day nanny or opting for work from home.
    Those moms who take a sabbatical in their career, a good news for them is that now-a-days many organizations have come to understand the reason behind sabbatical and really don’t mind giving jobs to such reboot moms. I will still maintain that leaving or taking up a job is utterly one’s choice. The child never asked for a career sacrifice, your priorities led you to take such decisions.
  • ‘No time for myself!’ is yet another kind of frustrating sacrifice cribbed upon by most mothers including me. Tell me honestly ladies, is this really true? Or are we just lacking in setting up a good schedule for ourselves? Can’t we find this ‘me time’ when the child is sleeping, gone out for playing or in school? Think about it.

 Impact on children

Constantly telling children about your pains done for them bogs them down with the ‘sacrificial’ pressure. They start doing things not out of their choice but to please parents. This has a long-lasting impact on their personalities as they become highly dependent on their parents. Even after growing up they are not able to take decisions for their lives and our often confused.

How to stop ‘Sacrificing’ your life:

As a responsible mother stop this emotional drama. Do not look at children to secure your future or live your dreams. Rather, I would suggest to get a life of your own and let the child grow according to his ambitions without any sacrificial pressure bestowed from your end. Talking about myself, I want to be a mother who will cherish each of his growing up milestones, play with him, love him, be his powerhouse and more. At least I would definitely not want to sacrifice my life for children anymore!

Image Source: http://quotesgram.com/img/moms-yelling-funny-quotes/kbjmPZC8LZ/

Things to consider before taking the ‘Parenting’ plunge

In India, the society is such that once a girl or a boy attains the marriageable age their parents and relatives become adamant for them to get married. True that marriage is a crucial milestone in one’s life which needs to done with lot of care.

Post marriage, the next that the elders want to hear is the word ‘Good News’ from the couple. Sometimes couples who do not plan a child early in marriage are also looked down upon and even pressurized. But people need to understand that ‘Parenthood’ is not just a degree or title to be bagged but it comes with a lot of responsibility of a little baby and becoming a parent brings in a crucial change in a person’s life.

The baby in the infancy stage cannot talk or express herself so it is even more important for the new parents to be all charged up for this big change. Further the role of parents doesn’t lessen a bit as the child continues to undergo the gamut of changes in process of growth and development.

So here are some key pointers (all of which are equally important) that a couple needs to ponder before taking the ‘Parenting’ plunge:

  • Economical Stability:

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From the time of birth of a child until he or she is self-dependent parents need to take care of the finances. In this  era of commercialization and brand consciousness, everything from various pregnancy tests, doctor fees, vaccinations, clothes, books, toys to diapers is expensive and uncomprisable especially for newborns and infants. So a couple needs to have a solid economic stability before planning for a child.

  • Physical Balance:

Another pointer that a couple needs to look at before this plunge is their physical balance. To put it in simple words, both of them should get themselves checked and tested for any major illness or discrepancies in hormone levels. Some of the basic tests like blood/hemoglobin, thyroid, sugar test are highly recommended to avert any forthcoming problem during pregnancy or after child’s birth.

  • Age:

Next key factor that a couple needs to take into account is their age. Planning a pregnancy in both a very young and old age may be risky for the mother as well as the baby. It also increases the risk of miscarriage and sometimes if the couple is of a bigger age conceiving a child might be difficult.

  • Husband – Wife Bonding:

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When two people get married a new family establishes but ‘starting of a family’ is often referred to when a couple plans a child. For a child to grow in a loving environment, a strong bonding between husband and wife is required and their equations in balance. Children as such are like clay which can be easily molded into any shape so the lesser amount of parent fights and arguments they witness the better for them.

  • Emotional Balance:

Emotional balance of parents is mostly a neglected aspect when it comes to parenting. However, it is also a crucial pointer to consider since a mental preparation of both the father and mother is a must for a wholesome upbringing of the child. If a father or a mother isn’t mentally and emotionally ready to leave their girlish/boyish state, & compromise on their freedom, ‘me’ time, hobbies, social networking and much more than parenting might be difficult and depressing for them leading to frequent yelling at the children, beating them or neglecting them.

  • Work-Life Balance:

This factor is especially important for a couple in which both of them are working. Then the couple should think about this aspect as well. As they say ‘Money can buy anything but time’ and for a good upbringing of a child spending quality time is a must and so the couple has to chalk out their work-life according to this new addition in their life lest the child may feel dejected and unwanted.

Hope this article is helpful to some of the young married couples who are thinking to take this big step called ‘Parenthood’.

7 Things That Every Growing Up Girl Should Know..

India is a diverse country with a conservative mindset prevalent in society. ‘We’, the new adults and the charge-bearers of the society though boast of ‘open mindedness’ and believe of living in a modern society but we too know that our society still has a long way to go.. especially when it comes to girls.

Girls are always in a direct/indirect scanner of men and yes women too! They are still answerable to the many questions of family and neighbors. So it is even more important for the growing up girls of this modern yet conservative Indian society to be aware of some crucial points related to their bodies and pregnancy.

Pregnancy does not occur by a mere kiss or hug.
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One should be aware of the kind of touch of people around even from immediate family members and also be cautious in choosing the peers.
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Conception is possible in a single unprotected sexual act.
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Consumption of ‘within 72 Hrs.’ pills is not a guarantee to avoid pregnancy.
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Conceiving and giving birth to a baby is not a child’s play or a fairy tale as shown in some films. It is a very important responsibility that a woman should undertake only when she is fully prepared.
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Medical termination of pregnancy no matter how advanced is the procedure does some bit of harm to the woman’s body.
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‘Date Rape’ is a reality, it is not a thing that’s just mentioned in internet articles and can happen to you or your bestie. The use of drugs and alcohol are the common means of the same.

In no way, I mean that girls in teenage should hide in a room or restrict themselves from enjoying this beautiful age. Neither, I am justifying the society’s outlook towards girls but yes I would say the world isn’t exactly a cakewalk and so it is must for every girl in the growing up age to be conscientious towards their own life.

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